What is “home”?

I was thinking about what feels “home” to me? The imagery of lazying around on a Sunday morning in my own place, as I steep some tea, play with Kuro and then curling up by teh window with a good book instantly came to mind. But when was the last time I allowed myself this luxury? I have been ceaselessly running behind invisible goals and ironclad schedules so much, that taking time to breathe has been a scarcity.

Travel makes me feel liberated. I enjoy the detachment from physical spaces and entering new ones. The smell of vegetation in a new city or town or the different forms that the clouds make on that sky seem refreshingly new… However, I am stuck again in the conundrum of the old (tried and trusted) vis a vis the new.

As I reflect more, I think that the concept of “home” is a continual work in progress. Sometimes you have your loved ones around and long for a house of your dreams to be there together. While on other occasions, you have the scaffolding of a house, maybe even the state-of-the-art amenities – but yearn for the loved ones to be closer. This walk on the tight-rope necessitates something of introspection. Words such as introspection and meditation have become too “new-agey” with the current mushrooming of spirituality sold in neat consumer-friendly packaging. However, my intent is to turn teh gaze inward.

D.

 

Why are “Goodbye”s so hard?

Travel shoes are on! And another goodbye (until February)

After Cambodia, Ro and I got back to California. I was dying to meet Kuro – four months without the little furbaby were too hard on me! And oh, I could barely wait a day to see him. Once back home, Kuro rejoiced to be back with Ro and me…and in less than a week we packed our bags again! “Duty calls!”, we concurred.

A brief meeting, nay, send-off of sorts, with friends in the Bay Area. We were conscious of the time ticking by as we tried to immerse in the board games – an exercise almost in vain, at some point. A couple of friends were moving to Canada, and that was our last meeting as the gang in teh Bay Area. In theory, it has barely been a year since I moved to the Bay, but the warmth has indeed embraced me to the “n”th degree. I was feeling sad that these friends will no longer be at a stone’s throw, or our spontaneous meetings will no longer unfold. We will have to make elaborate plans to get to British Columbia!

And a pull from having to leave for Calgary for a few months tugged my heart. Kuro’s company was the solace but saying “bye” – although brief – to Ro seemed to make my heart heavy.

But, we put on a brave face, and woke up at 3.00 am to catch our flight out to Calgary. The sky was still inky dark, and the lights seemed to be too mellow to shed any light on the streets.

Why is saying goodbye so hard, after all?

The evening before we left – a cute sulk face

Travel bug – Kuro in his backpack at the airport. Yes, dressed for Calgary’s -30degree temperature that week

Welcome to the Prairies! Flat landscape in Calgary greeted us cold – temperature and welcome-wise 

I started some sketching while I tried to hold onto something familiar

Maybe goodbyes are like a sour tang to complement a sweet life? I looked for a new place to stay in Calgary, with almost all new things around me, except for Kuro and one trunk full of stuff… Life in California was just settling in, and as we navigated our spaces in our lives and physical house, I had to be here. Although this time, the goodbye has a firm date to see other again rather than a promise suspended mid-air.

D.

Cities of serendipity

One month since I started exploring the vicissitudes of culture along the western coast of India… and it seems like just moments ago I stepped into the hills steeped with hues of fresh green. I spent some time along the coast of Konkan, then in Pune and then in Mumbai. As I filled my backpack with material for memories, Kuro and Ro were enjoying their time with Rohan’s parents in the Bay Area. We all were looking at the sky change colors, standing at the edge of our respective bay.

The silence of the quaint villages in Konkan was a welcome change I didn’t know I yearned for. The pace of life there restored my faith in crafting my own way besides getting stuck in the vicious circle of money and position. Here I could breathe easy, fully and let go of things as easily as the outgoing breath. For the first time in years, I noticed the pace of a raincloud, the drying of tree leaves after a brief rain-shower, or the various stretching positions of a cat as he makes himself comfortable on a piece of hemp cloth. 

I let my feet walk me to the sea and back as if it was a daily chore. The sea was new every day, and as one of the businessmen in Konkan said: “The sea has plenty for all…” Although I do not support this statement in connection to the indiscriminate mechanized fishing, I let myself feel the “plentiful” bosom of the sea.

In the streets of Pune and Mumbai, a strange sense of being grown-up hit me. My brain conjured images from years ago when I was at specific locations at certain times with certain family and friends. A sense of walking down the memory lane engulfed me again, and my body responded with either tears or laughter. It was a moment of waking up. I had to let go of memories that clinched on me. The grip of nostalgia was tightening such that I could feel myself say that maybe I will not be back – as the good memories bring tears thinking that those happy days are long gone…and sad memories recreate the scenes of what could have been mended then and there. With that, the subconscious accountant produced lists of friends I have lost along the way and some who have drifted apart over two decades. The mental population of unwanted clerks crowded my mind, and the crowd on the street around me suddenly seemed like a peaceful current of people going with the flow. Such games we play!

D.

 

Going Green – II

This harkens back to my childhood – or childhood experiences of many millennials…

“Going Green” was very much a part of going about in our daily lives. A typical morning would start with getting out of the bed, brushing teeth, etc, and then following grandpa in the garden to pluck fresh flowers. In the meantime, freshly boiled milk and Bournvita would be sitting on the table waiting for “taller, stronger, smarter” me. The milk would be delivered by the milkman in canisters made of steel or aluminum that his assistant (or himself) would lug on a bicycle or later, a motorbike.

Busy morning in our household incorporated visit(s) by produce seller who would carry fresh vegetables and sprouts to the doorstep, and we could sift through the produce, haggle for prices and ask for a certain specific vegetable for the next day or for a specific day. The vegetables thus bought, would find a home in a thin, moist cloth after being sorted and cleaned.  The travel from the sellers’ wooden cart or basket into a wet cloth ensured fresh produce at hand. Cooking was also an elaborate green process – from mindful cooking to using the stems and discarded parts of the vegetable for composting.

Shopping trips to the market or general stores invariably meant carrying a cloth bag. I recall my parents and grandparents stuffing one cloth bag with several others on the way to the market so that those multiple bags could hold our shopping spree (technically, all items on the list). Local food sellers wrapped the foodstuff in newspapers and tied it up with cotton string from a spool dangling at the cashier’s desk. Orally calculated prices and total amounts were transacted without electronic ink slips and the records were paperless (in rare cases, on the backside of a used sheet of paper)! 😉 Liquids such as my favorite sweet “Gulabjamun” had the steel tiffin as its carrier. This practice was however quickly phased out with pre-packed plastic containers.

This brief review was to look back at the “green” seeds sown in my childhood memories. As I started managing my own stuff and making small decisions such as my waste management, carrying out the chores and so on, it dawned upon me how influential some of these memories have been! To this day, I save loose rubber bands to tie half-used food packets, etc. Or, naturally sort of compostable material as I cook, and look for a compost pit/bin to the extent of feeling upset if one is not set up in the apartment complex. My adaptation for moist wet cloth for storing vegetables is bees-wax paper (It is actually a thin cloth). The central idea is the same – thin cloth, made to keep food long-lasting.

Since a month into conscious green efforts for the household, I also realized going green is not an individual endeavor. For instance, if the garbage is not getting segregated in my absence, the whole ordeal of setting up dedicated bins for each type of waste goes to waste! If one member is striving to phase out single-use plastic bags, other member walking in with a month’s grocery in plastic bags defeats the whole purpose! To make the long story short, going green is a team effort. And in addition to the mindful case for the environment, we are nourishing ourselves with a new-found team purpose.

D.

“Thinking spot” overlooking the greens around

 

 

Going Green – I

Since our little adventure of cycling to Sausalito, the season of flu engulfed our household. We took about two weeks to recover, and soaked in the sun on the balcony as we regained our spirits. And these two weeks afforded us time to establish a greener household that we aspired for.

The first step (and maybe the most extended one) was to reintroduce plants in the house. I say “re-introduce”, because all my plants had to left in Calgary 😦 when I moved here. Our apartment has good ambient Northern light, and I was spoilt for choice when it came to choosing houseplants.

Sweet Succulents as decoration

Lemon-grass and passion fruit as starter kitchen-garden

Basil – first herb in my herb-garden 🙂

Orchid by the window

Draecona, zz and spider plant in the bedroom

Monstera and foliage in the drawing room

Fern adds to the greens in the drawing room

Pepperomides (?) as green ornaments/accents

The greenery lifted my spirit further, and I am regaining my interest in patient gardening. Since this is the growing season, we thought it is ideal to acclimatize the plants to their new home – ours! And bringing in the greens also helped us connect with local nurseries, converse with local plant lovers and fill our hearts with more love for plants.

Another important “green step” was getting the waste management in the house running – in near-zero waste direction! Recycling and composting has been going well, and we finally boarded the train “reduce-reuse-recycle”. I have been trying to do my little for waste management, reducing single-use plastics and less packaged goods. Some concrete steps in that direction as a team (Ro and I) would help “up” the green game!

Grocery shopping for the past few weeks has been a very green endeavor. We always carry cotton grocery bags so that we do not end up piling up plastics from the shop. And now we also carry empty glass jars to refill our supply of lentils, grain, flax seeds, chia seeds and so on. My only regret is that I have found a grocery store that carries Indian spices and fresh ground condiments that I can carry back in my glass jars instead of company packaged packets.

Cycling around for short distances and grocery, sometimes, is also another step to greener living. I will update more on our cycling adventures and greener living adaptation. But let me just end with this: we are not doing anything out of ordinary, but adopting what our parents always did as we were growing up. Back then, it was not called “greener living”, because it was the way to live! And today with the advent of normative plastic living (and dumping that comes with it), greener living has become fashionable – but a good fad, I must say!

D.

Moving!

Finally, the piles of books are out of the shelves and sit in the corrugated cardboard boxes for an international trip. I am slowly working my way around my apartment carefully taking off the wall embellishments…and pining a little inside… – this was me two weeks ago. I had a rollercoaster of emotions as I was winding up my tasks at the University, packing and winding up Calgary home. I was feeling a little torn inside to leave the beautiful Rockies behind.

Kuro and I stepped out at the San Francisco airport, and the warm winds welcomed us. Ro was there, waiting for us and our overpacked luggage. Coming home felt very different, for this time I was not a short visit as in the past.

And…the moving was not done! We had to move within Berkeley to a new place – thankfully not too far from the old apartment. Moving again, meant bent backs, long spells of cleaning, unfolding and folding of boxes, getting rid of an enormous pile of garbage, yada yada yada… Thankfully, meeting friends over dinner, hikes and board game night provided a much-needed break in between these two marathons of moving.

Kuro looks on as I question myself and type away amid the momving

Moving apartments brought home bitter-sweet moments of loving the redecoration of the new house and hating the ordeal of cleaning out the old one. I was again reminded of the importance of keeping things clean and simple – in life as well as in the apartments. Although minimalism would be my ideal, simple living along the way is indeed the springboard I aspire for. When I was shipping my books from Calgary to Berkeley, I was thinking of my earthly possessions, if I may, and wondering in Marie Kondo’s terms: “does it spark joy for me?”

We moved into a bigger house, with better views and light, and a lovely extra room as my study. I look forward to making beautiful memories in this space for the time to come. That’s joy, right?

D.

Being Social

On my walk in the Ohlone Greenway, the wind offered a silent murmur almost akin to a melody, blowing through the trees… The music of solitude was endearing, only for some time though… We are social animals, indeed! I nodded in agreement!

“It’s difficult to live alone!”, exclaimed my friend when we got to talking about moving to a new country. Further, in our conversation, I learned that she currently shares the apartment with three other students, who have been her friends since at least her high-school in India. I was wondering if it’s really living “alone”.

Is “alone-ness” a cultural construct? And also the qualifiers for “alone-ness”? Is being alone preferred, resented, normative or exception?  Living in North-America is relatively easier as compared to my experience in India. Would it be a consequence of women living alone as an exception rather than the norm? Is the choice to live in an apartment all by oneself more acceptable in Canada than in say, a small university town in Gujarat? Or is it just a reflection of perceived safety?

I do not support the allegations on civic safety being vastly different in India and Canada. The discrepancy might just be in crime rate being terribly low in certain parts, and soaring high in others; as against the general notion of high crime rate all-over India. If we keep aside the issue of perceived crime rate, what could be the other contributing factors for a support system for living alone?

Cultural! Atul Gawande’s book on medical care and aging in India and the United States probed into this very facet of aging and social reception of the aged. In the winter months that just passed by, before I arrived in California, I think I was drenched in the showers of loneliness and imagined myself to age aggressively – physically and mentally. Since just a few weeks here in Berkeley, I feel more open to stepping out of the house, breaking away from binging on tele shows that I had recently resorted to.

In my meandering thoughts on loneliness and being alone, I digress from the multilayered discussion of what it means to be alone or lonely and social in various contexts. I experienced a constellation of alone time and how it expressed itself through various points in time. I found my “zen” in being alone – getting from one chore to the next, leisurely reading, working, painting and then earning a restful sleep for the night. And then sharing a living space with somebody came in as a challenge. Maybe, one that I thought I was prepared for; but not really. Personal quirks and preferences shrouded the pleasure of living with someone, and I longed for solitude. I have always been in houses full of people, and people are not a problem – but the interruption in “space” certainly is. The solitude component is a difficult portion to get around in discussion – it boils down to “to each it’s own”…

But the comfort of belonging to a social knit cannot be overstated. And may that is why we all try our best to find a meeting ground for different people and sensibilities. That’s maybe why I moved to California to be with Ro, and experience the variegated colors of the social life in the East Bay.

D.

The valleys near the sea

Yes, just after a fortnight in Calgary, I packed my bags and hit the road again! Um, I should probably say took to the skies again 😉

Sunny coasts of San Francisco welcomed me, and for a first time, almost, I descended into SF with clear skies – no smog. And the very next day, had the pleasure of exploring the hills to the North-East of Berkeley, into Napa and Sonoma valleys. My appetite for the mountains soared, and Ro handed down the plan to climb St Helena – the second highest peak in the vicinity. I have not been to the mountains since November 2018, and I instantly jumped on the opportunity to hike. North America has indeed brought out the outdoorsy in me!

And so there we went… driving through scenic vineyards on either side of the road, towards Robert Louise Stevenson State Park. Halfway there, the greenery made me linger, and we took a detour to Lake Hennessey instead…

The lake was nothing as compared to the deep blue serenity of the lakes in Western Canada. But the still waters reflected the night moon in all sincerity. We walked along the lake, looking at the sky reflected on the surface of the lake. NO matter where you are, of where you’re from, the beauty of the night sky does not fail to captivate you. It was a full moon night, and the white light bathed the valley.

We drove in a little further into Calistoga after our walk by the lake. Moonlit vineyards and pleasantly lit building in the distance put up a pretty picture of a serene landscape one could continue to peer at on end.

And the next day, we proceeded to explore the gems in the valley – known for their food and wine.

***

Constructed to imitate a medieval Italian castle, Castello di Amorosa (Castle of Love) offered a perfect foreground for the emerald and green color of Napa Valley. I was impressed by the details that went into the making of a medieval-like castle, completed in 2009 (If I recall that correctly). Needless to say, an enormous monetary investment was made into the building and the making of a tourist attraction. Connoisseurs’ dream, indeed!

 

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Our overnight accommodation at Napa was a heritage building as well – a real old one. Cedar Gables Inn is an 18th century home, with stained glass windows, shingle roof, and wooden construction. Chandeliers hung from the ceiling and oils peered lovingly at the guests arriving and checking out. The piece of history was kept alive in the Inn with heavy drape curtains, wall to wall red carpet and ornate cutlery, fine china and so on.

 

Breakfast table at Cedar Gables Inn

Stained glass peacock at the Inn

 

The castle and the Inn seemed to re-piece history in their own way. Bringing medieval Italian wine experience to Napa in case of the castle, and recreating a British lived past at the Inn simulated something distant in time and space from the laps of Napa Valley. After the two days in the valley, we got back home, and I looked around. I am also busying myself by making a world within the four walls that will sing and speak to me. Pictures and souvenirs from different places than Berkeley, some books, images, and broken artifacts from a time distant than our own – in which I feel safe, and as if I’m home – people my apartment. In some sense, it is very similar to what Castello di Amorosa and the Inn are involved in… recreating a sense of the world these parties feel at home!

Valleys and mountains have made a home in my heart. And I get pulled to them as I gravitate to the sea. It is a part of my piecing together of a feeling that makes me feel at home.

D.

Canyon that Grand, it’s a perfect Grand Finale for the trip ;)

Trip to Arizona is incomplete without a visit to the Grand Canyon! And with the “touristy” spirit, I embraced the shades of the canyon. (Johnston Canyon in Banff National Park was my local substitute for the GC “feel”)

An entire day at the canyon flew by with the blink of an eye. Stratigraphically arranged hues of yellow, red, brown, violet and green reeled me in, and the various viewpoints along the southern rim seemed to present a novel picture of the canyon. Kuro was the centre of attention- attracting “oh so cute!” reactions.

The landscape has embedded in itself the million-year timeline and history of First Nations people. Commercial expressions of the Hopi and others cater to the curious tourist eye, but where’s the narrative that people like me crave for? Why is the shrubbery patch near River Colorado called the “Indian trail”? What is the significance of a random peak named “Shiva” and so on… Guess I need to dig deeper into books or find someone who would have some narratives for these… Afterall, I am not the only one with “That Arizona sky burning in your eyes”.

I came back to Calgary, with a warm Arizona feeling. Thinking of Saguaro standing on the horizon, I was back, close to the snow-capped Rockies.

D.

New baby in the family!

Welcome! A new member of the family! She’s cute, she’s cuddly, and she’s going to be a wonderful woman! My sister in law is now a blessed mother, and I am the happy aunt 🙂

I woke up this morning with this happy news of the addition of newest bundle of joy to the family. Rohan and I will rendervous with her in January- a long wait till then

In related news, I got back to cold Calgary from the sunny Grand Canyon; and boy, Kuro and I had a lovely time getting a bit of the sun tan. More on that for my next post.

Let’s congratulate the new parents, grandparents and my niece and nephew who are proud “big brother and sister” 😀

D.